I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
