people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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