My liver just broke up with me...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
