now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
farters have to be the big spoon...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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