You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
