fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize