Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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