i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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