She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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