does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
