i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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