He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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