Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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