No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
