These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
