He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
