she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize