check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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