you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
