I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
