i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
