Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
