Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
