All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
