How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
