I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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