Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
