Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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