Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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