Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
