swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ladies don't puke and tell
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
