Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
