Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
