I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
