I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
