Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
