i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
