I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
