from now on my penis is your penis
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
