how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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