My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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