If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
