I want to make a zoo with you.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
