Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And then he peed in my hair
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