your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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