that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
