remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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