We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
