Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
