he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
