So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
