Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
