But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
