y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
