This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
