she woke up with a sticky ear
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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