when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
