**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The ass gains better be worth it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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