Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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