I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
