The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
