What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
