Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
