Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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