Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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