So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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