you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
