I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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