It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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