the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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