fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
