is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
