i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
