Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
