Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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